Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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