he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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