No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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