I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
