Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
