After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize