i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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