well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
