thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
