I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
