I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
