Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
