My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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