Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
