You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
