We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
