i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
