New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
