my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
