that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
