She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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