if i can run in heels then i can drive
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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