Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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