She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
