that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
