in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
