Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i think i have two assholes
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
