I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
