You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
