FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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