Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
