So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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