i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
