my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
