but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Randomize
