i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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