I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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