he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
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