i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
