Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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