You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
