I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
two words: eviction party
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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