There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
