All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
