Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize