Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
