the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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