I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
