she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
