The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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