I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Princesses don't give blow jobs
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize