No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
