Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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