the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Is this like a preordered booty call?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
