Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
