why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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