Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
