did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
