Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
operation have a gay friend backfired
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
