our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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