Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
They took my balls.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
