Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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