quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
