2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
