My underwear smells like fireworks.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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