I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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