I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
