I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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