Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
