3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
