After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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