i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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