So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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