i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
