omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
